Being Vulnerable With Ourselves First
When asked to give examples of vulnerability, people often think of frailty or struggle. To be sick is to be vulnerable. Or people talk about vulnerable members of society, such as those who are elderly or those with less resources such as the homeless.
However, there is an entirely different conception of vulnerability that mental health researchers such as Brene Brown and Susan David have popularized in their TED Talks. This kind of vulnerability actually has positive associations, as opposed to being exposed or sickly.
This type of vulnerability is discussed by Brene Brown as a gateway to healthy, loving relationships, community, and belonging. She shares that the people she has studied in her research who experience strong connections, self worth, and belonging have in common the willingness to be authentic; to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be their vulnerable selves to others.
This harkens back to the quote that inspired me to write this blog: vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome. Letting go of controlling how others see us and leaning into our authenticity takes courage, because we could be rejected. However, what Brene Brown has found in her research is that this often results in the opposite: acceptance and belonging.
Susan David discusses a kind of vulnerability that involves accepting and experiencing all of one’s emotions. She says in her TED talk, “Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions, even the messy and difficult ones, is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true authentic happiness”. She advocates for emotions as data, and describes how when we suppress, deny, or stuff our emotions they only get stronger.
Susan Davis explains that to be vulnerable to one’s own inner experience is to own our emotions and to not be controlled by them. According to Davis, we practice being authentic and open with ourselves first. This is self-vulnerability. This is where a yoga practice can come in.
In “The Role of Emotions in Yoga Practice Part I, I write about how our yoga practice teaches us to be present to our emotions:
“In yoga, we practice focusing our mind on our body’s postures and breathing. The body, which in my definition is the body mind, including the brain, enables us to experience our emotions. So, yoga practice gives us an opportunity to consciously notice our emotions and what they may be trying to communicate to us.”
How could this benefit us on and off the mat? According to Susan Davis, to experience our emotions, even the difficult and painful ones, gives us control over them. We are able to be present to our emotions, instead of to repress them and make them bigger. We are able to “ride the waves” as one of my favorite spiritual teachers says.
As well, this self-vulnerability gives us an opportunity to practice being vulnerable without incurring the risk of potential rejection. When we are vulnerable with ourselves first, we practice this valuable skill which will ultimately lead to more connection, love, and belonging.
If this sounds like something that would benefit your life, please schedule a free consultation with me today!
