The “Hole in the Soul”: the Problem of Addiction and How to Fill the Void with Yoga
Most people whose lives have been touched by the disease of addiction are familiar with this concept. I’ve heard it mentioned in 12 step programs, in Buddhist-based recovery circles (Refuge Recovery, among others) and in my work with individuals with substance abuse challenges. It’s referred to by some as the “hole in your soul” phenomenon.
This language might be jarring, and it may seem dark and heavy to some people. In order to dig in to the concept, I am going to start with a quote from Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw. This was one of the first books I read when I started trauma recovery, and it is a recovery classic. It unpacks and offers solutions for one of the roots of addiction: toxic shame.
The child grows up and becomes an adult. But underneath the mask of adult behavior there is a child who was neglected. This needy child is insatiable. What that means is that when the child becomes an adult, there is a “hole in his soul”. He can never get enough as an adult. Adults make what they get be enough and work harder to get more the next time. An adult child can’t get enough because it’s really a child’s needs that are in question
JOHN BRADSHAW, HEALING THE SHAME THAT BINDS YOU
This quote theorizes how and why we as adults suffer from addiction. John Bradshaw uses the “hole in the soul” phrase, which I will use interchangeably with “void” to refer to this phenomenon.
Bradshaw’s quote reflects some concepts in attachment and addiction psychology that I will only touch upon in this blog. After all, this is a blog about yoga! However, to summarize, the fields of attachment and trauma psychology have now identified that certain early childhood experiences make us more prone to developing addictive disorders. One of those experiences is neglect, which is referred to in Bradshaw’s quote. The important truth here is that the “hole in the soul” of an addict did not originate out of nowhere. It is a product of trauma. (for more information, see ?)
Alcoholics Anonymous, a popular program for addiction recovery that began in the Midwest in the 1930s, has its own descriptive term for this phenomenon. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the program’s seminal text written in 1939, uses the term “spiritual malady”. The 12 steps, which form the theoretical foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous, are a set of applied spiritual principles to promote healing from addiction. The 12 steps are not only used for recovery from alcoholism, but are currently used by over 200 different groups recovering from different forms of addiction.
I introduced the term “spiritual malady” because it brings me back to the topic of this blog: filling the void with a yoga practice. Hopefully, you have picked up on the fact that this “hole in the soul” is not a physical phenomenon. Hopefully I’ve described this void well enough that you’ve noticed it’s invisible. This invisible void is not detectable by others, but often drives much of an addicts’ behaviors. Once an addict becomes sober, abstinent, or otherwise stops the addictive behavior, this invisible void is felt viscerally. Addicts often describe this as a deep emptiness or loneliness. One of the stories written in the back of the AA Big Book is called, “Empty on the Inside”, reflecting the felt experience of living with addiction.
Both for myself and for people that I have worked with, an at-home yoga practice is a powerful method of slowly filling in this void. My experience is that having a holistic at-home practice of some kind, whether it be yoga, basic meditation, prayer, devotion, or contemplation, is an essential piece of the puzzle of addiction recovery.
To get started, I would recommend taking a look at my two posts from December 2012, Developing a Regular Yoga Practice I and II. In Post I, I recommend getting started with a home yoga practice by getting a good book on yoga, or finding good online resources. I also emphasize the importance of safety while practicing, and discuss ways to learn yoga that will keep your body safe.
Recovery from addiction is a journey, and yoga has been a big part of mine. I have benefitted as well from prayer, and I believe that any devotional practice done daily can become a pillar in your recovery journey.
Until next time!
